I am NEVER alone

There is a fracture in my family.  It started about four years ago.  It began relatively small, like most cracks, and has now swelled into an almost complete severing of the relationship.  Some days I manage fairly well.  I can pull off an "I'm doing peachy" with the best of them.  I can stuff the sadness, the despair, the hopelessness down beneath the surface and function just like anyone else.  Other days I feel as though I am in the deepest, darkest pit that's in the deepest, darkest cave you can imagine.  Hope of any kind becomes a dream that flickers far outside my reach.  I hear nothing but the hurtful words that have been exchanged.  I see nothing but darkness, fear and anger.  I feel nothing but numbing loneliness.   

In the past few weeks I have been compelled to establish boundaries.  In doing so, I have had to examine my life, focusing mainly on these last four years of it.  What I have learned is that I have been on an incredible journey for much longer than that and it is only because of where I am today and the relationship I try to have with God, by His grace and mercy, that I can see His hand on my life.  He has been comforting, supporting, providing, healing, teaching, forgiving and, perhaps more important to me, loving me even though I have been pretty ugly and unlovable.  I have been blessed in this difficult time with some friends that I can only say have been handpicked by God Himself.    They have encouraged me to pray and listen.  I learned from one to have a playlist available on my phone so when the darkness starts to encroach on me, I reach for the music that helps me to refocus on God.  In the music and those words, I find prayers that I am unable to speak and I find promises that I am loved and not alone.  I learned from another, lovingly, that I have to look at myself, me, and address those things that are causing me to look away from God instead of towards Him.  Another friend refuses to allow me to wallow and stays in touch to be sure I am moving forward.  And still another encourages authenticity, which is probably why I am talking to you today.  These friends have been exactly what I have needed, at the times I have needed them.  God has been so faithful.

I can look back a little farther and see, again, that God's hand has been on my life even when I wasn't making Him a priority.   My children all have become productive members of society and are some pretty cool adults.  My marriage is God-centered and thriving, which is a miracle in itself.  I have a husband who has stood by me through all the good times and the bad times, honoring and loving me, in spite of myself.  I have a wonderful church, pastor and ministries that I am humbled and honored to be part of.  I have a beautiful home to share with family and friends.  Throughout my adult life, I've walked some difficult paths.  I have had to learn many, many times to leave something, or someone, at the cross.  I have learned as well to wait on the Lord and His timing.  Each and every difficult time, I learned to pray and listen to Him a little bit more.  Interestingly enough, the more I pray the better I hear. 

God hasn't failed to bless me.  So as I am walking yet another valley of this incredible journey, I know, without a doubt, that He is there.  He's already been there.  And He'll be there when I get through it.  I have no idea what His plan for this relationship is.  I have my own hopes, dreams and desires for it, yet I pray God's will be done, not mine.  I have incredible peace knowing that God has this relationship in His hands, I can let go.  I have experienced His comfort in the past.  I know He is there for me now and that He will be there for whatever I walk through in the future.  He never said it would be easy, but He did say we wouldn't go alone.  And I haven't walked alone for even one second of any of my journey.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVYRc7LtvUA