I've had a few folks give me some of that timeworn, well meaning advice. "If only you would . . . " Don't you know that I have? Many times?? "You should . . . " Yeah, done that, too. "You need to . . . " All right already!! I've got the T-SHIRT!!
I mean, seriously. Do you really think that I would stagnate in this pond and languish because I am too stubborn to do what is necessary to "make things right?" I found a post on Facebook today that talked about this -- in a roundabout sort of way, I guess. It talked about removing toxic people from your life. It said:
"You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance - you do't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and "continues" to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go." Daniell Koepke
My response to that post was this: "It is hard when that person is a relative. And the guilt I have is because I shared my feelings and they were not validated in any way; rather, it was a laundry list of complaints. So that last line in the post is really hard for me because the feelings and boundaries are subjective and because of the way I was treated, I find it hard to separate that my feelings have validation and are therefore worthwhile boundaries."
My friend, who I only know on Facebook, posted -- I really understand . . . that's amazing to me. The people who are supposed to know me; who are supposed to love me unconditionally don't get it; yet someone I only know on the internet, gets it.
I guess what I am trying to say is this -- give people credit. They feel differently than you do. That's what makes the world go round, you know? How boring would it be if we were all exactly the same??? Love people where they are. Don't expect them to rise (or sink) to your level. Just love them. That's all you want. And that's really all they want. Accept them for who they are. And rejoice in that!! Relish that difference. It's the spice of life, the excitement and wonder of love and friendships . . .
"You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance - you do't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and "continues" to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go." Daniell Koepke
My response to that post was this: "It is hard when that person is a relative. And the guilt I have is because I shared my feelings and they were not validated in any way; rather, it was a laundry list of complaints. So that last line in the post is really hard for me because the feelings and boundaries are subjective and because of the way I was treated, I find it hard to separate that my feelings have validation and are therefore worthwhile boundaries."
My friend, who I only know on Facebook, posted -- I really understand . . . that's amazing to me. The people who are supposed to know me; who are supposed to love me unconditionally don't get it; yet someone I only know on the internet, gets it.
I guess what I am trying to say is this -- give people credit. They feel differently than you do. That's what makes the world go round, you know? How boring would it be if we were all exactly the same??? Love people where they are. Don't expect them to rise (or sink) to your level. Just love them. That's all you want. And that's really all they want. Accept them for who they are. And rejoice in that!! Relish that difference. It's the spice of life, the excitement and wonder of love and friendships . . .
