I know it's been a while since I've posted last. Gosh, almost 3 months since my last posting. Lots going on. Moving things around my plate and eventually off my plate. Took some time trying to forgive and forget. Spent some much needed time with my best friend and husband.
Ben is settled down in New Mexico. Jake has finished his first year of college. Dan and Jackee have settled into being homeowners. I've kind of been wondering just where do I fit in now? What is my role in my family now? It's changed. I find myself watching little boys around me and remembering when my boys were small. When that was my day, my life and my world. Sometimes I miss those days. Sometimes I want a "do over". But really, would I do anything different? Only if I had the knowledge of what I know now. And that knowledge was gained by doing things -- right or wrong. I think grandchildren will be my "do over", as they have been for my parents and countless parents since the dawn of mankind.
Back to where I fit in. I now get to watch my kids live their lives. It's no longer my responsibility that they get everything done or done right. How freeing, to have finally realized that. I get to be my husband's girlfriend again. I think my favorite part of that is I get to ditch the mommy clothes and put on the girlfriend clothes. I get to dress for my husband. That, in itself, is a learning experience. I don't look like his girlfriend from 28 years ago. I've got hips . . . a lot of hips . . . I might add. (And, I won't be putting on those little tiny shorts that say PINK on them, either. I would need mine to say PINKFUSCHIAMAGENTAPURPLE . . . just sayin')
So, I've taken up belly dancing. Not all belly dancers are these little willowy creatures, you know. And, I've learned, the more hips you have, the littler you have to shake them . . . because they keep on shaking. In the Middle East, that's a good thing. Here, not so much. But, belly dancing has made me more comfortable in my own skin. I am beginning to dress more like the girlfriend. Plus, no boys to pull up the low cleavage on my shirts. . . there were times they made me put a sweater on because it was too low for them when they were younger. Now, who cares!
I get to take road trips and vacations with my husband and best friend. I get to see things that go beyond the swimming pool and amusement parks. Road trips become meandering drives, not marathons to the destination. I think that's what my life is like now . . . a meandering drive, not a marathon. I passed the finish line of the child rearing leg of the marathon and can now enjoy the journey a little bit more. I like that. And, I like learning my new role in this season of my life.
