Recently, when faced with a painful situation I actually did none of the above. I was so completely out of my element in dealing with the situation that I had to seek other avenues of healing. This time, I reached out to God. I literally fell at His feet and held on tight. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to behave. I just didn't . . . know . . . anything. I think God wants us to do that a lot. Lately, I've found music seems to speak to my soul. So many songs have been placed in my life that it seems that as I sing them, they are the prayers that I cannot say. When I sing them, they are the words I can't speak on my own. When I hear them, they are the feelings I am afraid to let out. And when I listen to them, they are the promises God has made to get me through these situations. When I pray these songs, God puts new feelings in my heart, His feelings that I need to extend to those around me. I have prayed these songs so many times recently that I think I know them all by heart.
One of my favorite songs right now is a song by Tenth Avenue North called Losing. Here are the lyrics:
I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong
Don't they know it's wrong
Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
This is love or this is hate.
We all have a choice to make
Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.
This is love or this is hate.
We gotta a choice to make
Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
Why do we think that our hate's gonna break a hard heart
We're rippin' arms over wars that don't need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it's just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and get them to stop
Well truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down
[X2]
Oh Father won't you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong
Don't they know it's wrong
Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
This is love or this is hate.
We all have a choice to make
Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.
This is love or this is hate.
We gotta a choice to make
Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
Why do we think that our hate's gonna break a hard heart
We're rippin' arms over wars that don't need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it's just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and get them to stop
Well truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down
[X2]
Oh Father won't you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
Another song that has spoken to me is also by Tenth Avenue North called Healing Begins:
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
And then, one more song, again, Tenth Avenue North, You are More:
There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight
She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try
But don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
I have spent a lot of time listening to these songs that God has put on my heart. And I have found some very wonderful things happening. I have learned that I am not alone. That no matter what, God is with me. I have learned that when I open my heart up and not harbor hatred, fear, anger or hurt, that God allows forgiveness to flow through me. Forgiveness is such a gift from God. It relieves your anxieties. It humbles you. It teaches and it softens. Sometimes I've had to replay these songs very loud to drown out the hatred, fear, anger and hurt. And, sometimes I've had to play them A LOT!
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight
She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try
But don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
I have spent a lot of time listening to these songs that God has put on my heart. And I have found some very wonderful things happening. I have learned that I am not alone. That no matter what, God is with me. I have learned that when I open my heart up and not harbor hatred, fear, anger or hurt, that God allows forgiveness to flow through me. Forgiveness is such a gift from God. It relieves your anxieties. It humbles you. It teaches and it softens. Sometimes I've had to replay these songs very loud to drown out the hatred, fear, anger and hurt. And, sometimes I've had to play them A LOT!
Extending forgiveness when you've been hurt really opens the door to God's teaching. I am humbled that He forgives me on a daily basis. I am thankful that He has softened my heart and allowed to me to be open to receiving His forgiveness while I am extending forgiveness myself. And I've learned that because I can forgive through Him, that I am modeling His forgiveness to someone else. I am learning to be Christ-like. That last song, You Are More, reminds me that who am I to not forgive when God has forgiven me? Who am I to hold some hurt against someone when I hurt God every single day. If I show and act forgiveness, then the person that has hurt me can see that God will also forgive them. And what a gift that is. To heal someone's heart simply by being Christ-like. To open myself to loving that person anyway - in spite of hurting myself - means so much to them.
This has been a hard lesson. And one that I am sure I will have to learn many, many times over. But I am thankful that God puts things like music in my life. He is amazing, He is wonderful, He is loving and He is forgiving. Above all, He is forgiving. And He is holding me up and helping me daily to forgive, to love and to learn to live more fully in Him. Thank God He is there. I know I couldn't stand and do this on my own.
