Reflections

So . . . it's almost September, can you believe it?  I mean, where has the year gone?  I remember when my boys were little and the last half of August meant school shopping -- new clothes, new shoes, new backpacks and all the new things to pack in that backpack.  One of my favorite smells to this day is that of a brand new box of Crayola Crayons.  No other crayon smells as good, right?  September always makes me reflect on the past year.  Even more than New Year's, I would spend those first couple of days when the kids went back to school thinking about how they'd grown over the summer, compared to what they started out like the previous September.  What new adventures were going to await them in school?  What new trials and frustrations would this school year bring them?  What successes were they going to experience?  

This is my third September without kids in school.  Our oldest has been out of school for many years now and is a success in his chosen field.  He no longer even lives in the same state as we do, since his job moved him to Nevada.  Our middle son has lived in many states now since becoming a Soldier in the U.S. Army.  The youngest one, who lives at home currently, is changing directions and changing schools.  He'll buy his own school supplies this year (Diesel mechanic tools) and they aren't going to fit in a backpack anymore.  

Even though there aren't kids getting on the bus or getting in their cars and driving off for long days at school, I still find myself reflecting on the past year.  For me it's been a year of intense personal struggle and immense personal growth.  It's a painful progress all around, as any time of growth normally is.  1 John 16:33 says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  I have learned that in every instance in the Bible where we are told that there will be trouble, God immediately follows it up with a promise that we are not alone.  As I worked to protect my marriage and learn how to be a better wife, God was there with me.  He showed me many books to read.  He opened my ears to wonderful worship songs that helped me pray.  He gave me a personal support system of Godly women to whom I could look up to and call whenever I needed tangible evidence of His love.  I also learned a lot from looking at His word . . . I know, me?  Reading the Bible for something other than a Bible Study??

Romans 5:2-5 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  So, wow, that's a mouthful.  But what that tells me is that no matter what, no matter what I've done, I still stand in the grace of Jesus Christ.  That all that I do, with God's help and guidance, will give Him the glory.  I have learned that whatever I am going through in my life, good, bad or ugly, that I should give thanks for it.  I have learned that when I do that, my heart is opened up to receive the lessons and blessings of whatever I am going through.  I have learned that struggles in my life point me right to God and when I fall at His feet, He gathers me up and comforts me and gives me hope that it will end.  And when it does, I've come a long ways in maturing in my faith.  I have learned not to rush through these struggles, not to put my head in the sand or ignore the pain.  Through all of those things, God is there with me.  And why would you want to rush through that?

Philippians 4:4-13 -- which is a really long passage, kind of gives you a To Do list of going through struggles and trials and coming out on the other side.  Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS!  Not just in good times, but in bad, too.  Do not be anxious, but in everything, pray with thanksgiving, presenting your needs to God.  Notice it is "needs", not answers . . . (but that is another blog post, I think).  The peace of God will guard your hearts and minds.  It goes on to talk about thinking of noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy things.  When those tough times become so overwhelming, think about those things, whether you think of them in terms of the Glory of God or if you need to think about them in terms of the gifts and qualities God has given you -- either way, your soul will feel lighter and you will feel a bit stronger.  And again, God's peace will be with you.  Lastly, it tells you to rejoice in every situation.  Be content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether rich or poor.  And instead of the promise of peace, this time you get the promise of strength.  Powerful, powerful passage for me this year.

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  Uh huh, more joy about trials and tribulations.  I think I learned that joy can come in trials because I've reached out to God, who can guide me and comfort me when I'm in need.  And when I've come through that particular trial, I can look back and see that God was with me.  His mighty hand was on me, protecting and guiding me and reassuring me that I am not alone.  

The last verse that has been with me all year is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you."  This lets me know that all that I am going through, God already knew about.  And He allows things to happen that will make me a better person, especially when I reach out to Him.

I've been blessed to learn to rely on God more.  I've been blessed to learn about codependency and how not to be that way.  I've been blessed to learn about grace, mercy and forgiveness.  Although it's been a tough year, I am thankful to have been so very blessed and to have grown in my faith.